There is an order to life. God is a God of order, not chaos. When our lives fall out of order and our priorities shift, an opening is made for trouble to come take its hold. The order goes, God first, spouses second, children third. I mean lets face it, Our heavenly father is completely organized he demonstrates this with the physical laws of the universe:
This is what the LORD says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-- the LORD Almighty is his name. "Only if these decrees vanish from my sight," declares the LORD, "will the descendants of Israel ever cease to be a nation before me." (Jeremiah 31:35-36
We have reliability because of Gods order. If we decide to manipulate the order by which we are to live( God 1st, spouse 2nd, etc) and change it, a big gaping hole starts to develop
We at some point in time have messed with the order of our lives. I have been seriously guilty of being consumed by selfishness . I choose to prioritize things in a way that suited me best, I affected the balance of my life in such a way that the outcome was shame, guilt, pain, and betrayal. I not only turned my back on God because of my re prioritizing, I hurt many people and damaged whatever testimony of how a Christ like person was supposed to be. The order of my priorities had given sin an open door to reign.
Sin did reign. It controlled by mind, my actions, my thoughts. Sin had its snares deeply embedded in every aspect of my life. I lived a dual deceitful life. I had affairs, lied to my husband, my children, my family.
My mind was a scary place. I had no peace. I was so miserable. I hated everyone, including myself. Finally, I was caught in my web of lies and my husband found out about the affairs, the lies and all the deceit. I stayed and tried to work it out for a couple of months, only to leave again. Only this time I was leaving him for good. I was so confused, I couldn't think straight anymore. Yet, through out it all, he still loved me. He still wanted me, even when I hated him. I had to hit rock bottom. I turned to God, and I surrendered my life, my guilt, my iniquity. God had found me were I was at. It was a life changing, humbling experience that has completely changed me to the very core of who I am.
I begged for his forgiveness. It took me along time to forgive myself, when I did, My priorities started to come into balance. God first, husband then kids and family. I have such gratitude, it overwhelms me at times. I am thankful for my Gods mercy and grace. I am thankful for my truly amazing husband. I am so thankful to have a clear mind. I can think and live without guilt and I can sleep at night knowing that the lord continues to restore my life and my family.
I have learned so much. I have learned to love, to have real faith. I have learned humility and that it's a wonderful place to be. I have learned that Love really endures all and it can overcome anything. This experience has left me with a compassionate heart. I am eager to help others, I can relate to most struggles that people face. and I hate to see a marriage end over anything. Its worth saving. I have had to surrender. By doing that I learned to never give up.
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